I consider my home to be a place where animal spirits/energies/totems can come and go, as long as they cause no harm to me and mine.
On Monday of this week,I woke up experiencing a phantom shift into some sort of wolf-like creature – very stocky, heavy jaws, barrel-esque body, shortish tail and massive, MASSIVE paws. Along with this, I had the feeling of a consciousness sitting at the back of my mind – there was a masculine vibe, and he didn’t seem to want to talk.
I have random shifts from time to time, either from totems I’ve worked with or ones introducing themselves to me, so I didn’t think much of this turn of events beyond my usual “Cool! Somebody new to talk to!”
What can I say? I enjoy making contact with totems and the like.
My guest and I spent a bit of time feeling each other out while I did my day-to-day stuff: He walks on his toes, and has short non-retractable claws. His tail is short, his ears are small and his jaw is short and wide. The paws are massive, his limbs are uber-muscular and his body is hard and stocky. (Please remember that I’m a Maned Wolf, so all of this is based on my proportions!) My gut feeling is that he is an extinct species, and in my discussion on LiveJournal, a few people felt that he could be a Dire Wolf … but I’m not too sure.
In brief glimpses into what I believe is his memory, I feel cold, and I can feel his paws churning up snow to get a grip before racing off. It’s dark, and there are plenty of trees, but there is more than enough space for the snow to reach the ground. I could smell others, but couldn’t see them.
In this mindset I was able to step outside of ourselves to take a look. He is a hulking great beast, all the larger for the vast shaggy coat he has. I think his teeth protrude a bit … but he may have been thinking about snarling at me.
On Tuesday evening, I was watching MasterChef, and I felt this urge to slam about the living room, knocking books from the shelves and ramming into the furniture. It was really fucking scary, and it took what little energy I had to fight it.
“Whoa!” What the hell was that?” I asked.
My visitor was angry, he didn’t understand what I was doing sitting on my arse and watching TV. And then we started crying. (I always get freaked out when I feel someone else’s emotions). I could feel this despair and utter loneliness – much worse than I had felt for years. Though feeling his feelings, I get the idea that he is geographically home, but this isn’t his time. We cried and cried and cried.
I told him over and over again that although I didn’t know what to do, he was welcome to stay here until he knew were he wanted to be.
The feeling passed after a few hours, and since that point I haven’t felt his presence.
A few discussions with my colleagues made me realise how out of my depth I am with this type of work. My Wolfy-Guest was hurting, was lost, and I had no idea how to help him.
But the main thing on my mind at the moment was how badly this event affected me, just how strongly I felt another being inside me but not with me, with his own agenda. I want to be able to work with animal energies, but this could have ended with me being hurt. I may have to rethink my open house policy…