Throughout 2012 I will be following the Perennial Course in Living Druidry, kindly made available for free by The Druid Network. The course follows the rhythm of the moontides. The White Waking moon ran from 23rd January to 21st February 2012.

Due to a major upheaval in my life, I was not able to give this moontide the reflective time it needed. However, the themes of this moontide still influenced my life.

Imbolc falls within the White Waking Moon, and you can feel the imminent return of Spring. It hasn’t arrived yet, but the goddess Bridget has awoken, and her path is laid with snowdrops and crocuses. New growth is beginning to show, and I feel this both within and without. I’ve personally had to make a decision, a scary decision, about my future well-being. I could stay where I am and survive, or I can be brave and find a more nourishing environment in which to grow.

The element of Air feels strong this moontide. The winds have been blowing through, refreshing the land. It speaks to me of the breath and of the voice. What have I been breathing in and, more importantly, what have I been breathing out?

Negativity.

My partner jokingly said that all I do is whine. That hurt me because it is true. I have been using my voice to complain and moan, and that rarely takes a person anywhere. We did talk about it further, and explored the idea that as I only seem to be inhaling negativity, the only thing I can exhale is negativity. This year, I must try to change that. To reap beauty, creativity and joy, I must sow those seeds, It is going to be difficult to break my negative habits, but I must try.

The local buzzards have been very active this year, On my walks I always see at least one above me, wheeling and soaring through the air. I hope to join them soon. I have big dreams for the year, and I’ll need big wings with which to carry them. I want to explore my identity more closely this year, particularly as a therianthrope / otherkin. I want to make art for art’s sake, to draw just for me and see what happens.

Thus the White Waking Moon draws to a close.

On Wednesday, I joined a friend on a walk around Gartocharn.

Our day started with a brisk walk to the top of Duncryne Hill. Known locally as ‘The Dumpling’, it is an extinct volcano.

View to the south, from halfway up the Dumpling.

The walk is easy enough (aside from all the mud!), and your effort is rewarded worth an amazing view.

View to the north, from the top of the Dumpling. Loch Lomond and the Highland Boundary Fault.

View to the north-east from the top of the Dumpling, overlooking the river Endrick.

Yours truly, loitering next the Duncryne trig point and generally feeling in awe of Scotland.

After that, the pair of us tried to find a track linking Ross Priory to the nearby nature reserve.

I could have eaten my lunch in front of a computer, while being inundated with demands, but instead I ate here.

Farming is serious business out here.

On a walk around the grounds of Ross Priory, we found this place. I am glad that I ignore such signs...

...because I found the most beautiful graveyard. It belongs to the Buchanan family who used to own Ross Priory. It was such a peaceful place, and it was carpeted in snowdrops.

On Monday, I joined my mum and her dog on their regular constitutional.

The route we took was long familiar to my mum, and she spent time pointing out all of the old trees that fell during the ‘Hurricane Bawbag’ storm, where the wildflowers will appear and the places where the fairies live.

My mum and I might come from different places spiritually, but her love for those woods was the same love I have for the Brucehill Cliffs.

Halfway through our walk, we were halted by a wild road traffic sign.

CLOSED.

CLOSED?

You can’t close a wood.

Challenge accepted.

We daringly walked around the barrier and continued our walk. Aside from the collapse of the raised walkway, the route was perfectly safe. We headed to the shore of the Loch, and were amazed by the height of the tide line. It was at least 8 meters from the shore, another sign of ‘Hurricane Bawbag’.

Thankfully, as most people do tend to follow instructions, we had this area all to ourselves. It reminded me of how Loch Lomond used to be before the real woodland, grassland and shore were destroyed remodelled for the building of a shopping mall.

Belated Imbolc blessings!

Though Imbolc falls on the calendar date of the 2nd February, locally Imbolc usually doesn’t make itself known until later in the month. This year has been different. We had a mild Winter, so new growth is already visible in the world.

I am not in a great mental place at the moment. I have to let my old growth fall away, and begin growing afresh, but I am just so scared if giving up what I know, even if it is bad for my well-being.

I joined the rest of Tuatha de Bridget in celebrating the return of Bridget, our matron goddess. The ceremony was a beautiful, druidry-inspired affair, and came from the founder of Tuatha’s upcoming book A Ceremony for Every Occasion. 

To me, Imbolc is a time for unpacking emotional baggage and clearing the slate. Over Winter the world appears to slumber, but now we can see this is not so, Things were happening beyond our normal perception, and now we can view the results. Local birds are beginning so sing longer songs, the daffodils are reaching out from the Earth and everything is ripe with potential.

So why do I feel so stuck?

Above is a photo of Lucy Fur and my latest Maneki Neko. I bought him as a symbol of opportunity, marking a positive step in leaving an unhealthy environment. Members of Tuatha kindly energised him for me. His smile reminds me not to be scared of change, and to go along with what the universe has in store for me.

Return of the Sun

As Midwinter gave way to the Sun, he began his race across the land rejoicing in his return.

(2012) | Fineliners, metallic inks, watercolours and coloured pencils on 50cm x 38cm Strathmore Illustration Board | Original is for sale. Please e-mail melee.meles@gmail.com with enquiries.

I took a walk to the Brucehill Cliffs yesterday, to clear my head and to attempt to recover a sense of self. You can see photos of the walk on The Brucehill Cliffs Blog.

I had two short encounters with one of the local buzzards, and some time within the centre of a willow, and now I feel so … homesick. Something is missing.

“Above, the never ending blue sky. 

The wind has picked up, and I ride the motion of the branches as they dance to its rhythm. I’m not alone here. There are other birds nesting here, each beautiful in their own way. The smaller ones dart through the canopy while I need to wait for stillness. But that is okay. This tree is a place of safety. It glistens gold in the Sun’s rays. 

Home. This is home. “

But I was also reminded of just how trapped I am. The peace was interrupted by noise. External noise from the traffic on the other side of the river. There is no escape from that noise, the noise of conformity, the noise of fitting in with other people’s priorities and expectations.

My heart is heavy, and it feels like there is no way out.

“You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

People who dislike my blunt manner often patronise me with that line, and I respond with “Why would I wish to waste precious honey on flies?”

My jar of honey, my loving-kindness, my understanding and my patience are valuable commodities. Imagine all of those qualities really were really a jar of honey. The contents of my jar have to go far. I need that honey to:

• face my morning battle with anxiety and fibromyalgia
• sooth my soul enough to leave the house without having a mental shut down
• stop myself from crying in agony every time I need to move
• silence the voices in my head that tell me how worthless I am, every minute of every day

What little honey I have left over from my self care, I would rather share with people who love me and treat me with loving-kindness. I will not be wasting any sweetness on ‘flies’, those people who undermine me, patronise me or treat me unfairly.

I will not be wasting my honey on flies. They can have vinegar, or nothing.

Throughout 2012 I will be following the Perennial Course in Living Druidry, kindly made available for free by The Druid Network. The course follows the rhythm of the moontides. The Star Frost moon ran from 24tn December 2011 to 22nd January 2012.

For me, the Star Frost moon is a time for withdrawing from the world and focusing on personal internal workings.  Following the Sun’s lead, as his light begins to reach into the darkness I too began to reach into my personal darkness and seek out my ‘shadow’ self. This self is made up of the parts of me I do not like, and try to pretend don’t exist. But they are there, and they are a part of what makes me me. This moon has been a time for seeing these parts of myself and recognising them as valuable parts of who I am.

I have spent time seeking out these aspects, and recognising them as friends. Rage, jealousy, laziness. As I am sure you will appreciate, I am not comfortable with going into details. Once I had built of a recognisable identity for my ‘shadow’ self, I created a sigil to represent her. This sigil is now a focus for self-reflection and a symbol I can direct Metta to, to show how much I love even the horrible parts of who I am. It isn’t easy. I am repulsed by some aspects of myself.

There is no one more deserving of your love than yourself, even the parts you are ashamed of or disgusted by.

The Star Frost moon falls during the time Perchta and her tribe reward the good and punish the lazy and wicked. It has been an anxious time for me, as I am only too aware of the consequences of failing to meet the Bright One’s standards. I had my second audience with her, and learned a valuable lesson in sustaining my soul with more than hollow, trivial victories. It is an experience I am not ready to share publicly, though I may consider writing it as a less-personal myth.

As a totemist, I am keen to find an animal master to symbolise each moon. The Domestic Cat rules the Star Frost moon. We had welcomed a new addition to our family this moontide. We’ve named her Lucy Fur, and I am sure pictures of her will appear in this blog soon. The Sun may be returning, but Winter will still be here for at least another month. It is a time to settle down, and engage in gentle self-care, something Domestic Cat excels at.

So ends my first moontide of the course. I look forward to seeing what the next tide brings.

I’ve had several shitty days due to a fibro flare up, so I thought I’d talk about my experience of the condition.

Vision I

Tenger gave me a vision. My antlers formed branches, and the leaves unfurled and stretched out to Him. They were brimming with life.

(2011) | Fineliners, metallic inks, watercolours and coloured pencils on 210mm x 297 mm Strathmore Illustration Board | Artist’s private collection